DIARY INTAN

ME AND MY WORLD

2006-01-19T13:57:00.000+08:00

Hello Diary ,

I've not got time to write lately cos being with two bosses makes me a very busy secretary. I read about my life , my sweetheart Dr and my family , my office , my work and everything about me . NOW i realise that I am a very wonderful person to be with . So many people miss me when I'm not there with them.

I realise that I am a very special person in everyone's life.

I am happy . Thank you diary ... thanks for being there for me...

WHAT I'VE LEARN

2005-12-05T16:06:00.000+08:00

Dear Diary ,

I've learn about life , about letting go a relationship. Yesterday i watch Ophra shows and one thing I learn is about " letting go" meaning you give up on the things that is holding on . Yep like my relationship with him , I learn to give up and continue with my life . I wish I could just call his wife and tell her the relationship.

I wish I could do that , anyway I am happy with my life now and my family so I guess I want to just leave him alone.

She will know someday .

Bye Diary.

Love

INTAN

FRIENDS ARE SPECIAL .....

2005-12-01T17:01:00.000+08:00

Dear Diary ,

I've just got back from solat with some friends , now I realise that actually those who are my real friend are the one who have a good and nice family background . Happy people. I am glad i am their friends . Tomorrow I will be meeting an old friend very old friend we know each other since standard three now we are both married and have children.

I think of him at times but I make myself busy so that it would be easier for me . Afterall I am worth more than what he has given. I have made him happy but he just let me feeling hurt.

I've leave him and our story behind ...

Watching desperate housewife...

2005-11-30T10:56:00.000+08:00

Dear Diary,

Yesterday I watched desperate housewife and I’ve learn something about life. I am lately kind of feeling “different” about my relationship with him. Well actually I try to understand him but I guess he kind of like take me for granted. What I mean is that he is kind of treating me like I am not special to him. Yep , he said darling blah blah blah I’ve got to will speak again later . Yes dearie , it is almost two weeks ya , we speak again later kind of thing. A very plain conversation. I don’t think I am that patient to wait for the “later”. Being with him for more than a year makes me realize things.

I guess I will not continue with the relationship again. I don’t want to feel pain, feeling miss him , feeling angry , feeling jealous …

Cos I know I am worth more than what he did… He has lost me … a very special lady … and I hope he will realize it someday.

At the end of yesterday’s episode , it is all about , how a person behave would effect them in a long long term ….

She got pregnant, he lost his love, she is still with him without being caught , She sees beauty of the world , ….. and everything is about a person….

Sad and Happy moment …..

I GUESS HE IS OKAY NOW

2005-11-29T15:26:00.000+08:00

Dear Diary ,

I’ve wrote to you about me and him . No stress no argument. Well I think he realize that I am not pushy so call nowadays. Maybe I’ve give up or maybe the answer that I will get is the same . He will talk and talk to me about his work , how people has used him for projects and others. A very small thing about me and him. In my mind everytime I know that it will be the same. He said he loves me but now I feel nothing. It is just a relationship you know where you stay with someone you “love”. Continue to stay like everything is so beautiful. I don’t know maybe I feel that this relationship, arguing and talking is a routine things. He said that today he sent his wife to the office. Yep. I am jealous but he doesn’t understand me. He has NEVER want to understand me because I am not “ an asset” that can make him rich.

***********************************************************************************

That was this morning , well I have think about him lately and I feel that I’ve to go . I guess I am a sensitive person , but when you call your boyfriend and he told you that he was with his wife this morning , and later they will go shopping together kind of thing. I think that is enough. Yep enough is enough. I cannot go further . I told him he is okay now with his wife so I want to leave and let go.

And I did. He said there is so many things in his mind. Okay I will not going to be a part of the “thing” now so I guess you have to sort it out yourself.

I am a bit sad but I guess enough is enough . I cannot be with a man who don’t understand me.

I CANNOT ..

HE IS TIRED

2005-11-28T11:46:00.000+08:00

Dear Dairy ,

I was on the line with my boyfriend a few minutes ago, he said he is tired. Yep he sound so very tired i guess he is not recover from his trip. I told him that I think of him , he said he loves me and need to find a place to rest for a while. You know diary lately I am kind of don't demand. Don't want make him feeling bad about the whole thing especially the relationship . I have to understand that I am just his girlfriend nothing more . BUT deep inside I know that he loves me so much it is just that time and situation is not on our side, I am sure that if he has the time he will be with me and love me.

I am okay with our relationship now. I want to have a quality time with him , no more tears , no more arguing , no more feeling "sakit hati".

Bye diary , will write again later.

HE IS IN TAIWAN

2005-11-25T10:55:00.000+08:00

Today , I was a bit busy this morning cos we had majlis hari raya. I've order something nice for everyone ( boss gave me RM 100. 00) for the food.

I am thinking of him now.He is away in Taiwan on a business trip. I know he is not flirting around cos he is the person who is very reserved and he tells me everything about his work , life and others. At times I do think that he can cheat his wife why not me. But I don't want to think about it so much well if he does someday I will know.

I don't know why but lately me and my family we seldom go out for fun maybe next week, I am going to take my children to ikea for them to play and play. Without him i guess.

It is alright for me to bring the children and have fun. So boring staying in the house .Next week I am going to Ikea.

I am sure

SOMEONE HAS DEDICATED THIS SONG TO ME

2005-11-24T13:46:00.000+08:00

112 - Funny Feelings

Oh baby,
Girl I, girl I,
Got the funny feeling,
Oh yeah, yes I do.
Everytime I try to kiss your lips, you turn away.
And when I try to hold you near my heart you just tell me not
today.
Well the days, grow to weeks, and the weeks, just add on.
And I try to be strong, but I feel like you dont love me,
Anymore...
[Chorus:]
Funny feelings,
Funny feelings,
That you don't love me anymore.
Funny feelings,
Funny feelings,
That you don't love me anymore.
I find myself sitting by the phone,
Waiting for it to ring.
And Oh, my mailbox is always full,
But from you I never recieve a thing.
Well I try, to just go
By the things that you say.
But the things that you do,
They just tell me that you dont love me,
Anymore...
[Chorus]
Oh baby...
Well I try,
I try to just go,
By the things, the things that you say.
But the things the things that you do,
They just tell me that you dont love me baby,
Anymore...
[Chorus]

WE ARE LOVERS AND BEST FRIEND

2005-11-24T10:59:00.000+08:00

Dear Diary,

I called my boyfriend this morning. In our conversation I felt that there is something wrong. I ask him is there anything wrong with you today sweetheart. And sudddently he cried. He ask me am I lonely , I said I am trying to understand him , eventhought I've always complaint that he is always not with me but I am slowly learn to accept that even how far he is/he was but I am always in his mind and I am the one that he thinks of. That is why it makes me feel better being with him. I cannot ask for extra cos he himself do not have that extra.

Dairy , I was a bit sad when I heard him crying, this morning. I love him and I care so much about him. I know everyone wants him but we must remember he need time to be alone too. I don't know why but now slowly i get the answer to all the question that i was thinking of.

1. I am not in his list - That is not true , I am and always be his girlfriend.

2. He is always busy - Yes , I know he is always busy with work work and work . I've seen him working and I must realise that he is working.

3. He has to do other things - well being someone husband he must also do things for his wife.

We kind of enjoy being each other's lover , eventhough we both know that we have other lover too .

Along the way i hope that we will be happy together. That is what I hope and that is what I want.

HAPPY TOGETHER.

Bye diary,

INTAN

MY BRAIN IS TIRED

2005-11-23T10:19:00.000+08:00

Dear Diary,

Good morning. I am waiting for my boss to come in. He was away on a business trip. Nothing much just a bit nervous you know we must look like everything is okay. My boyfriend called me this morning telling me that his flight to Taiwan will be tomorrow not today. Me and him we are like okay with the relationship now. Not so much of a stress .

I am kind of tired today, maybe I need to rest my mind not so much of my body. I want to be alone. That is what I want right now.

I AM AGAIN - IN THIS BLOGS

2005-11-22T12:57:00.000+08:00

Dear Diary,

If you realise i've said that I 've created a blogs about me earlier and I deleted it because of someone special. Today , I've change my mind , I want to write again. About me , him and my family. This time i want to keep it to all the people out there to read and think.

Yesterday and today , i've kind of very calm with my boyfriend , he said he has meeting at Shangrila . I called him this morning just to know that things is okay with him. Yesterday i did the same thing. I am bored. Sometimes I am bored with relationships. Now I want to think of my future and my children future , I felt that many woman at times they have this feeling of being lonely , i should value it cos I have all , love , children , the look and I must also realise that NO ONE IS PERFECT.

This morning a good friend call me and we talk about her new job, she said that she is waiting for the medical report from SJMC . I said not to worry I will try to convince my boss about her work attitute . Yep she is hardworking lady and she is still young. It will be a waste if we don't give her that opportunity.

Diary , I don't know why but I always believe that we should help good people. Nothing about getting back later but it is just helping out in life makes me happy. I've a friend he said that he look forward for new blogs and read about my life. MY LIFE YA is something nice , sad at times (ya especially when my sweet boyfriend makes me angry). BUT i guess i have change cos there is no reason for me to be angry with him , cos we are not going to be together , we are just feeling love, and care for each other and we enjoy being with each other. I want to keep it that way . Much easier for me and him. Love and be loved.

I am feeling really sleepy now.

Take care diary.

LOVE ,

INTAN

HAPPY IS WHAT I SHOULD FEEL

2005-11-21T15:28:00.000+08:00

Dear Diary,

Today , I am happy with my life. My boyfriend is busy with his works , new house and others . I was having this discussion with some friends about my little boy. He is not that active kind of guy but a bit stuborn , i guess that is the right word. He is not that jumpy type and if i ask him to sit he will just sit and be good. Unlike my daughter i guess she is a big girl , she is more relax , calm and very helpful. ( at times she is too helpful until we don't really feel that we need her help).

Being at this office is very boring, you have extra time to thing about many things. So I just let the time fly and I will just enjoy the moment but not for long i guess cos it will be boring if I continue being here.

I've read about other friends blog and the guys especially , they write about their work and nothing personal unlike me I prefer to write about my life , and what I do everyday.

Diary , I know things has been different lately but I believe I will get some good answer soon.

Something about me ...

Take care.

Love,

INTAN

Hello

2005-11-09T14:46:00.000+08:00

Dear Diary ,

I've decided to write again in my new blogs. I have deleted my old blogs because someone is feeling hurt. I do write about that person but now with my new blogs i want to write about my life. Happy or Sad.

Today I had my lunch with my boss and two collegue. Nice. We had chicken for lunch feeling so full and happy. I have three other blogs , one is for my songs with his songs, the second is my love letter to him and the third is something about me in Malay version.

I like short stories and I tought of writting one story soon. Maybe this will helps me here in this office.

I am a secretary and working with this IT company, is a bit quite. My boss is here , I will write again to you later .

Thank you diary.

LOVE,

INTAN